Sexual Discipleship
1. Who is discipling you sexually?
Who is discipling the next generation of Jesus followers in the area of their sexuality? Who has discipled you sexually? Who is discipling you sexually? What is sexual discipleship? We will get to that, but let us first look at some of the realities in the world around us.
“Sexuality in our world is just plain messed up” (Slattery, 75). We live in an age of extreme sensuality providing us with false and distorted images, and views of sexuality. Movies and TV shows rated only PG-14 display nude and sexual scenes indiscriminately whereas in the past they would have required a R, 18, 21 or MA rating. National media, advertising, music videos, and popular songs are filled with sensuality and sexual overtones. Many of these promote infidelity, sexual exploitation and violence.
College — 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are raped or sexually assaulted while in college. “From sexual assault and harassment to compulsive pornography use, prostitution to pay tuition, dating violence, sexting, revenge pornography, and Sex Week events that normalize and promote pornography and sexually violent practices, it’s clear that sexual exploitation runs rampant on far too many campuses in America.”
2017—69% of Americans believe it is morally acceptable to have sex outside of marriage.
Pornography—64% of young adults are viewing pornography weekly.
90% of boys and 70% of girls have viewed pornography before age 18.
88% of the scenes in pornography shows violence against women. More info — NCOSE reports
U.S. Department of Justice — “Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions.”
We are raising a generation of kids who are being sexually discipled by internet pornography.
The sexual revolution that began in the 1960s has continued to create “disciples” who reject any traditional or religious definitions of sexuality and gender. Their belief — Access to regular sexual satisfaction any time, any way I want it should be viewed as a basic human right.
This revolution and the prevailing cultural approach to sexuality have been made possible because of postmodern and post-truth worldviews. These views give humans the freedom to define their own reality and morality. God’s rules or someone else’ ethical standards, like the church, are irrelevant because I can create my own moral reality. Only I can decide what is the right or wrong way for me to express myself sexually. The transgender movement is the ultimate expression of postmodern thought. It denies even the biological constraints of male and female. “Gender becomes something we create in our own thoughts instead of a physical reality to which we must adjust our thinking. Truth is found in what we feel rather than a physical reality.” (Slattery, 22).
The postmodern culture and post-truth society are doing a very effective job at telling us that sexuality is a personal choice and that no one should limit your freedom of sexual expression. Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded with the world’s sexual doctrine. (Slattery, 23)
It has even impacted Christians and the church. Christians are following the secular and postmodern trends regarding sexuality.
Recent studies show that 41% of practicing Christians believe that living together outside of marriage is a good idea. More than 60% of Christians on a Christian dating site said “they would have sex before marriage. 56% thought it was “appropriate to move in with someone.” 32% of Christian men ages 18-30 admit to be addicted to porn. 54% of Christians believe that “homosexuality should be accepted, rather than discouraged.”
“We have been sexually discipled by the world … we have been taught to see sexuality from the world’s narrative.” Sexual immorality has invaded the church and Christian lives at every level — no age group is untouched. The havoc, hurt, pain, destruction, and brokenness caused by this goes beyond destroyed lives, divorce, abortion, pornography, broken families. It goes to the very perversion and destruction of our faith. (Hughes)
2. Where is the church in all this?
And here is the problem. Our sexuality is a tremendous, beautiful gift from God but has been so twisted, distorted and tainted by our culture, our fallenness, and our personal experiences. Sexuality is perhaps that aspect of humanity that presents the most pain and shame. (Slattery, 6)
And yet, we kept quiet and allowed the world to sexually disciple us and our children. For far too long Christianity has not been a safe place for disciples to find help with their sexuality. Everyone seems to be talking about sex, but rarely within the context of the home and church.
Christians and the church have a long history of avoiding or mishandling topics of sexuality. We did not talk about sexual addiction, sexual abuse, sexual dysfunction, sexual identity, or even sexual pleasure in marriage. People were left on their own to navigate this terrain. Or to seek help from modern psychology, the world, the Internet, and school friends who are in the same boat as they are.
When the church has addressed these questions and struggles it has often been with a judgmental and condemning attitude and tone. We tend to divide people into categories of sexually whole and sexually broken, the sexually pure and the sinners. If you find yourself in the wrong category, the church was the last place you wanted to seek help. We painted a picture of sexuality as something dirty, bad, evil, ungodly.
We deal with the symptoms of the problem, and we never address the root cause, the real problem. We give a list of sexual dos and donts. We tell young people to remain pure until marriage. When asked why, we are quick to say because the Bible says so, God commanded so. We paint a picture of God as this cosmic spoilsport who doesn’t want me to enjoy my sexuality. “Then why has he created me with sexuality?”
We fail to explain why God has given these commands. Philip Yancey said, “I know of no greater failure among Christians than in presenting a persuasive [I would add biblical and kingdom] approach to sexuality.” Persuasive — motivate, compel them to strife for purity.
We worship a God who created sex for a purpose. He has communicated his design for sexuality through his Word. The Bible tells us that we have everything we need to live a life of godliness through Jesus Christ, to live the kingdom life, and that includes our sexuality. (Slattery, 9)
And yet, sexual conversations are happening everywhere except in the church. When we are silent, when we chicken out of the conversation, or provide simplistic answers to complicated questions, we add to the confusion. (Slattery, 17) The birds and bees talk is no longer sufficient. Sex education in school does not develop a healthy understanding of sexuality.
Christian parents must have an ongoing dialogue about sexuality with their children. The church must have an ongoing dialogue about sexuality with one another and with the next generation of believers. The Church must be a safe place where people can talk about their sexual questions, struggles, hurts, and failures. A safe place to confess, repent, and find love, redemption, forgiveness, hope and healing in Jesus Christ.
The sexual crisis and problem today is not the LGBTQ agenda or even the widespread use of porn. These are simply the obvious symptoms of a greater problem and challenge we have. How should we think biblically about sexuality? What is God’s design for our sexuality? (Slattery, 14)
A tidal wave of sexual confusion and brokenness has swept over us. This is only the beginning. A devastating tsunami of sexual abuse, addiction, shattered sexual identities, and shame is on the way. (Slattery)
We desperately needs mature Christians who are rooted in both God’s unchanging truth about sexuality and his life-changing love toward humanity. We are called to disciple sexually one other and the next generation.
3. Sexual Discipleship
Jesus calls us, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Mt 28:18-20)
Teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. That means everything, and it includes what our Lord and his Word teaches us on sexuality. That is not excluded. Our primary work is to make disciples who follow, obey, and exalt Jesus as Lord, Creator, and Savior of every aspect of our lives, including our sexuality and marriage.
Our conversations about sex must be rooted in a deep desire to see people know Jesus and follow him. We don’t talk about sex simply to condemn people or prove a point. We don’t adopt the cultural view that sexual choices and opinions don’t matter. We engage sexual issues because they are included, involved in, and part of the kingdom life. We engage sexual issues because we want people to encounter Jesus and experience his love, grace, and forgiveness. We want them to know that no matter how big our sexual brokenness, hurt or sin, there is healing, hope and new life in Christ.
We must talk about sexuality because hurting people want hope. The sexual revolution cannot keep its promises. It does not give real freedom, deep and lasting satisfaction, no real fulfillment. As people pursue sexual “freedom,” there will be a devastation of broken lives. We have the opportunity to make the gospel relevant and personal for the many among us and around us who are silently suffering. We have the opportunity to offer living water, just as Jesus did to the hurting, broken Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. (Slattery, 28)
We must talk about sexuality to teach and show people how to submit and yield every area of our lives to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, including our sexuality. “… whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” “You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Cor 10:31 & 6:20)
We must be rooted and growing mature in our faith and God’s truth so that we are not swayed by the culture and its views about sexuality (Eph. 4:13-15).
Sexual discipleship is to believe, live, teach and model a lifestyle where God’s truth is applied to our sexuality. We must help our Christian teens, youth, young adults, actually all believers, to understand why purity matters; to understand the underlying spiritual importance and implications of our sexuality. We must help them to know what to do when they make mistakes ,or have made mistakes already. We must help them to understand that purity will be a lifelong struggle, even after marriage. Marriage is not a magic bullet that solves all sexual problems and issues.
“We should not be ashamed to discuss what God was not ashamed to create.” (Hendricks quoted by Slattery, 32)
It’s time for us to stand on God’s power and his truth.
It’s time to reclaim sexuality as a holy expression of God’s goodness and love. Next week we will look at God’s design for sexuality. Then we will look at radical purity for sexual discipleship, and then at marriage, the mingling of souls.