Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger
Is it possible to profoundly disagree with someone and love that person deeply at the same time? Is it possible for those who believe and those who do not believe in Jesus to disagree and still maintain meaningful and loving friendships with one another? Is it possible to hold deep convictions and simultaneously embrace those who reject your deep convictions? Jesus tells and shows us that the answer is yes. He made it possible, and as our Lord, He calls, commands, and sends us to do so.
“What matters more to us—that we successfully put others in their place, or that we are known to love well? That we win culture wars with carefully constructed arguments and political power plays, or that we win hearts with humility, truth, and love? God have mercy on us if we do not love well because all that matters to us is being right and winning arguments.” (Scott Sauls)
Jesus gave so much of his time and attention to love people who opposed him did not believe or follow him. He calls us to follow his example, his way of love. One way to love — We shall be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
But there is so much anger and heated arguments going on. Our discussions look like a gunfight on the main street in the Wild West. We listen only to reload and get ammunition for our counter-arguments. We no longer know how to dialogue with civility and respect when we disagree. We label, vilify and demonize those who have different beliefs and views. We form tribes, build walls, and defend traditions. We have lost the art of deep conversation. We have lost the art of listening.
1. We Shall Listen
We shall be quick to listen. To listen is to remember that each person, every human being, is created by God in the image of God, and loved by God. Each person is unique, and we must love and embrace them in their uniqueness. We must not forget the humanity of others. We must not dehumanize those we disagree with. All sinful—“the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” Instead, we should challenge ourselves continually on preconceived ideas, judgments, perceptions, and narratives about people. We should have the courage to respectfully challenge people when they express such preconceived narratives of other people.
We shall listen purposefully, actively. Active listening is to say: (1) Help me to understand what you believe; (2) What brought you to those conclusions? In civil discourse, through respectful dialogue, we examine, question, and evaluate each others’ assumptions and conclusions. Active listening is the practice of taking off our red-colored glasses, putting on the blue-colored glasses of the other person, trying to see the world through their eyes.
Active listening is to be humble and acknowledge that we may be wrong. We should not be lazy, jump to conclusions, and make assumptions about people. Active listening is to give space for others with different views. Ask about their stories. Listen. Genuinely listen. Be humble. Be teachable. Be human. Be a good neighbor. Love.
Active listening is the practice of taking in someone else’s words before preparing a response. This is not easy. It’s the art of sitting in the mud with someone. Just sitting. Just listening. If we want to be a people who bring hope and healing to a broken culture, with the message of Jesus, we must be willing to scoot over to make room at the table for the untouchables, no matter who they might be. The kingdom way is to make space for the other. Scooting over, sharing a meal, and listening. This is what our Lord did. This is what He calls us to do.
Active listening does not mean compromise or giving up our beliefs or views. It is loving tolerance. Tim Keller said, “Tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs. It’s about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” This is where biblical Christianity, the kingdom way, is radically different in its beauty and distinctiveness. We acknowledge our beliefs, views, and convictions, and when needed speak up and contend for them. We must always be prepared to give an answer, to explain the reason for the hope we have. But, we do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, in love.
But as we share the faith, the hope, the good news we have, we also listen to the hopes and aspirations of the other person. We cannot have progress, we cannot learn, we cannot understand, we cannot have empathy, we cannot love others if we have no idea how they feel and why they have those feelings. We can choose to give the gift of listening to others. We are called to give the gift of listening to others — that is love!
2. We Shall Love
We shall love others. Jesus calls and sends us to engage the world, to take the good news of the gospel and God’s kingdom into the world, into the public square, into our local communities, and to communities far away. Jesus calls us to enter the mess of day-to-day life alongside broken people, broken like us, and to do so in the midst of this chaotic storm we are in. He calls us into the difficulty of loving everyone, including our enemies. We cannot love others, we cannot listen to others when we are hiding in our caves.
Are we intentionally surrounding ourselves with people who have different views? Do we care enough about our neighbors to get to know them, their backgrounds, their beliefs, their opinions? Do we care enough to go deep in our knowledge about issues that matter to us? We are shouting about and arguing with groups of people, but we don’t have relationships with them.
It is possible to be friends with people whom you disagree with on certain issues. It is possible to love and listen to your neighbors, even if they believe something different religiously, culturally, or politically. God’s Word, and especially the ministry of Jesus, teaches us again and again that relationships matter. And relationships aren’t possible if we’re unwilling to listen to one another and share our respective stories.
It is possible because Jesus lives in us, and through us, he wants to reach out to and love other people. God does not want us to do through the day without reaching out to, loving someone, listening to someone, caring for, and serving someone, sharing God’s love with them.
We have received such amazing, extravagant grace. Therefore, we have a compelling reason to be remarkably gracious, inviting, and loving toward others, including and especially those who disagree with us. Are we known by what we are for instead of what we are against? Are we less concerned about defending our rights—for Jesus laid down his rights—and more concerned about joining Jesus in his mission of loving people, bringing the new kingdom life to them? When the grace of Jesus sinks in, we will be among the least offended and most loving people in the world.
This is the true, pure, undefiled, unfiltered, and altogether biblical and beautiful religion of the Christian faith—the one that leads people to trust God and have hope for humanity, to visit orphans and widows in their afflictions, to love neighbors who are near and who are in need, and to extend kindness to enemies. Let us be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Let us be different. Let us love.